woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
