So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
