Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
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