So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
