I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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