Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
