just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
