I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Randomize
