Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
