If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
