I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
