our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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