I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
