Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
