So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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