either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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