It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
