my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
