What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Randomize
