My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Randomize
