I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Enjoy the penises
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
