I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
