dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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