No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I love you. Go after that dick
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
