dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
too bad you live with your parents still
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
