I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
