i think my tv is drunk
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
