The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
