Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Yo dont text me then not text me
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
