I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
