Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
