If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
