So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
