I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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