How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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