The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
