Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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