My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
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