Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
