Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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