I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
