You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
