so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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