When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
