So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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