dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
