Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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