i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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