there's paper in my vomit.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
