I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
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