please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
