Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
